Abstinence and Virginity

One of the readings this week comes from chapter two in Yes means Yes. The one thing that caught my attention was the section about abstinence. This is a forgotten art of life that a majority of people in this generation has left behind. This idea is that men and women won’t have sex until marriage and that the only way to protect themselves against sexual diseases or rape is to be abstinent. This mind frame views virgins as being worth more than people that have sex before marriage. Their sexual identity is of value if they save sex for their husband or wife. This idea might have been popular in the older generations, but today’s generation for the most part disregards this. Sex is viewed as a pleasurable commodity and is worth less in my opinion. I remember hearing a friend saying that the average person sleeps/has sex with 12 people before they marry. So if that is the case then virginity is thrown out the window. The author makes a bold statement, she says,” To that way of thinking, sex can only ever be transacted, and the transaction that is the most advantageous is the one that uses the highly valuable early product to maximum advantage, to secure the best possible marriage: a lifetime commitment to financial support, and hopefully even an attractive and chivalrous partner.” This idea of sex being a transaction is presented. I researched and looked on the Internet about what abstinence truly is. I ran upon a article that gave a in depth view on abstinence. The article says, “ Abstinence prevents pregnancy because sexual intercourse does not happen.” To read more follow the link below…

 Abstinence

This idea of virginity and abstinence isn’t what it used to be. Abstinence has turned into control pregnancy rather than someone keeping their virginity.

 Works Cited

Millat. T.M. (N.D). Toward a performance model of sex. Retrieved from https://colstate.view.usg.edu/webct/urw/tp0.1c21194011/cobaltMainFrame.dowebct

N.A. Abstinence. (2007, August). Retrieved from http://americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/abstinence.html

Not-Rape Epidemic

This week has been intense to say the least with discussing rape and sexual assault. The thing that troubled me the most was this concern of the “Not Rape Epidemic.” In this day and age, younger girls are dating older guys and when they have sexual intercourse then the man is committing rape. This is looked past when discussing rape. I think of rape as a someone forcing themselves upon another human being and then sexually assaulting them. Whether it is consensual or not the age requirement to have sex and it not be a crime, is 18. Unfortunately, there are stories of 12-17 old girls dating older guys and having sex with them because they are “dating.” Chapter 17 in Yes means Yes really opened my eyes to this issue. The author tells stories of her friends dating older guys. She is in middle school and her friends are dating guys that are seniors or older. On page 210 in chapter 17, the author says, “When I was twelve, my best friend met a guy and lied to him about her age...He eventually slept with her and took her virginity, even after figuring out how old she was. This disgusts me, but some people do it. Guys listen to girls about how old they are and then sleep with them. Then they play it off as if they didn't know they were younger and that excuses them from rapping them. Not-Rape is an epidemic and it is everywhere, especially in the modeling industry. Here is a quote from an article that discusses not rape within the industry, “I think I'd gone a week in Paris before I met an Arkansan, also 17, who'd dumped her boyfriend of several years to sleep with with a man old enough to be her father who happened to be the director of her (major, well-regarded) agency.” This instance was rape, even if the girl was willing and said it was consensual sex. For more on this article follow this link

Not Rape Epidemic

Rape is one thing that will never go away in the world....




Works Cited


Peterson, L. (n.d.) The not-rape epidemic. In Yes Means Yes (pp. 209-210) Retrieved from https://colstate.view.usg.edu/webct/urw/tp0.1c21194011/cobaltMainFrame.dowebct


T, A. (2008, December 28). "Not Rape Epidemic": The modeling industry is anything but immune. Retrieved from http://jezebel.com/5119469/not-rape-epidemic-the-modeling-industry-is-anything-but-immune

When are people going to stop?

I found Tuesday’s discussion very intriguing and after reading Chapters 3 and 4 of Dude, You’re a fag, I understand this term fag a lot more. A quote that I highlighted in chapter 4 was, “In group boys act as a sort of “sexual police” (Hird and Jackson 2001), deriding each other’s expressions of love, romance, or emotional desire.” (Pascoe, p. 89) This idea of boys acting, as sexual police is something I never thought of, but looking back into my high school experience I realize that is exactly what was happening. Every boy was expected to act a certain way in high school. I came from a small town high school and everyone knew everyone. If you were homosexual then you were not insulted or called a fag, but if you were heterosexual and did something out of the ordinary then you were called a fag. This term fag was used loosely at my high school and I believe it was due to immaturity. Personally I believe that fag is an insult to homosexual people. In high school it was used to specify that someone was acting weird. Friends policed each other in a way that no heterosexual boy would act “gay” or out of the ordinary. Gay was thrown around at my high school as well. It exemplified that someone was stupid if they were called gay. I started high school 9 years ago, but these ways of life in high schools have not changed. John Henrehan reported for Foxdc, “You cannot walk in the halls [at Langley High School] without hearing someone shouting. ‘You’re gay. You’re a faggot’, said Zack Sanders, a former student at the school.” (Henrehan, 2012) This journalists report matches up with how my high school was. To read more please follow this link below.

 High School Anti-Gay Slurs

I wonder when society is going to accept that things have changed and people are not the same. There are homosexuals in the world and there are heterosexual people as well. I believe that treating homosexual people this way is almost the same as racisim. Faggot is just as bad as saying “nigger.” Excuse me for using that word, but I believe both are unacceptable.

Henerehan, J. (2012, March 10). Studenta say anti-gay slurs are constant. Retrieve from http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/students-say-anti-gay-slurs-are-constant

Pascoe, C.J. (2007) Dude You’re a Fag. Los Angeles, California: University of California Press.

Growing Up

Growing up masculine appealed to me the most out of chapter 7. Society sets rules on how boys are supposed to be raised or how boys are supposed to act while growing up. Instead of allowing children to be genderless, they basically have to fit into this pre-oriented manner of how guys have to grow up and be like daddy. The first point that I would like to address comes straight from the book in chapter 7. Woods says, “Early in life, most boys learn they must not think, act, or feel like girls and women. Any male who shows sensitivity or vulnerability is likely to be called a sissy or mama’s boy.” This quote is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion. Boys should be allowed to grow up any way they want too. If a young boy wants to cry because he received an injury, then I think he should be allowed to do this and consoled by the father or mother. The fact that a boy is limited to how he can act is unfair. Every boy is different so each boy should be given an option on how to grow up. Teaching a boy what is right and wrong is ok for a parent to do, but teaching them to grow up in a particular socialistic manner is wrong.  I found a small article from PBS that discussed a few things about how boys are supposed to be raised. An interesting quote from this article, “Boys pay attention to what society expects of them and act accordingly.” To read more on this article follow the following link,

Raising Boys

This quote says it all. Even though some boys are born to be masculine, a majority of boys pay attention to the way society wants them to act. That is one of the main reasons why I think some homosexual boys are ridiculed so severe. Other boys don’t’ accept them because that is not what society expects from them. Society needs to take a closer look and understand that the world is changing. Every child should be allowed to grow up how they want to.

Any opinions on this would be much appreciated.

Reference List

N.A. (2012). Understanding and Raising Boys. Retrieved from    

http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/masculinity02.html

Woods, J. (2011). Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender and Culture. Boston, MA: Wadsworth,

Cengage Learning.

Bodily Disorders

Women are not the only ones that have to worry about having bodily disorders. The media focuses in on women more than men, but men face severe bodily disorders as well. The media feeds society that there is a perfect way to look or a perfect weight for a certain height that men and women should obtain or maintain. While women normally worry about body weight, men focus in on their muscle size sometimes. Castle and Phillips say, “Men with body dysmorphic disorder are most commonly preoccupied with their skin, hair, nose, and genitals. Nearly all mean with body dysmorphic disorder perform repetitive and time-consuming behaviors in an attempt to examine, fix, or hide the defect.” (Castle & Phillips, 2001) This leads me to my next point. Men with this disease that focuses in on their muscles work out constantly. While working out they also take dangerous drugs to boost the results. Steroids are a drug that people sometime over look, but it is a dangerous and addicting drug if used too much. It is dangerous because there are side effects that can harm the human body. Liver damage and failure is the most common. I know all of this because I took a physical education class that focused in on steroids and sports. It can be especially addicting to people with this disorder. They are going to repeatedly workout and take this drug in an attempt to stop being small. In all reality no matter how big they get they will still look in the mirror and see themselves as being a small person. The media doesn’t touch on men having disorders because in society a man is supposed to be strong and under control, especially of himself. I also found this article that talks about media and its effect on body image. Here is a question to think about, “Many of us have the phrase, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but do we know who the beholder really is?” (Manasia, 2011)

To read more about this article follow the link,

 Effects of Media

References

Castle, D., & Phillips, K. (2001). Body dysmorphic disorder in men. BMJ, 323, 1015. Retrieved from 

https://colstate.view.usg.edu/webct/urw/tp0.1c21194011/

Manasia, T. "Health Psychology." Effects of Media on Body Image. Vanderbilt University, n.d. Web.  3 Dec 2011. <http://healthpsych.psy.vanderbilt.edu/media_and_body_image.htm>.

Generic Laguage

I have never thought that male generic language excluded women so much. I’ll be the first to say I am a pro-feminist so I think it’s wrong for language to exclude either male or females. I guess because males are the dominant sex in society then male generic language is widely accepted. I really never thought language was that big of a deal. Obviously it is a big deal in society now that women are taking a stand for themselves.  For those of you that don’t know male generic language, according to Woods, “is supposed to include both women and men, but in turn really only refers to men.” (Woods, 118) Also something the media does is spotlighting, which the book states, “the practice of highlighting a person’s sex.” (Woods, 118) Some easy examples are mankind, mailman, businessman, and spokesman. These examples come from the book, but are prime examples. Upon researching more about this ongoing issue, I ran up on a fair amount of sites that talked about teaching people to write in inclusive language instead of exclusive. I found this odd again since I never thought that language was such a big deal in society.  In one article I found this interesting, “Newspaper, like other media, are guilty of symbolic annihilation, symbolically ignoring, trivializing, or condemning women. Men receive more coverage. Coverage of women is more likely to mention the person’s sex (spotlighting), physical appearance and marital status or parenthood.” I find this to be disturbing because everyone should be treated equal and not singled out in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately, media tends to follow males more and when women are followed, the media makes it known. Further in this article, it also mentions women being shown in a provocative manner. For example, I was watching TMZ last night while doing homework and this coverage of a celebrity came on. It was a women and the only reason they covered this celebrity was because she was not wearing a bra. Other than that, there was no significant meaning to the media following her. IN retrospect, the media wouldn’t even bother with following a man who was going “commando” and not wearing boxers underneath his pants or shorts.

Language and Gender.(n.d.). Retrieved from

http://www.public.iastate.edu./~f2004.soc.327/laguage&media(nov05).pdf

Woods, J. (2011). Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender and Culture. Boston, MA: Wadsworth,

Cengage Learning.

Being a real man

Society has been built upon men being the dominate rulers over all. When a man is viewed as being sensitive or is connected to his feminine side, then he is ridiculed by being called vulgar names. Paul Kivel, wrote in The Act-Like-a-Man Box, “From a very early age, boys are told to act like a man.” The box that society has created for men to be this hard-ass stereotype is wrong. I say this because I live outside the box and don’t view myself to be inside this box. I'll be the first one to say I am a sensitive guy that cares about a woman's opinion and respect women just as much as I do my fellow man. I believe in feminism which I guess makes me a pro-feminist. I don't believe it is right to ever put your hands on a woman in an inappropriate manner, no matter what. To cause harm to a woman is unacceptable in my eyes. I searched on the NOMAS website and found something that I would like to point out to my fellow man. This is a quote of the material that I would like for you to think about, Phyllis Frank says," In a country where coverage of women's lives and achievements is hardly equal to that of men's where pictures of women scientists, writers, and thinkers rarely appear in the popular press, we are awash in photographs of anonymous young women, selected and pictured to sell products, attract attention, and please male viewers."

Objectification of Women

To read more about this quote follow the link above. It was written by the NOMAS organization. 

This quote says it all. Women are not equal to men. My personal opinion...that is bull crap! Women should be treated as equal and it is sad that they are not displayed in the media as equal to men. You normally see women who are dressed in a sexual manner to sell a product. You rarely see a woman writer or profound scientist being recognized in the media. Men view women as lesser beings who are only here to serve us. This is completely wrong and the only way this will change is for men to take a stand and change society. NOMAS is doing a good job with raising awareness that it is okay for men to have a sensitive side and support women. The way our society is and how women are not treated as equals, is unacceptable. This need to change and it starts with men loving women like God intended. Women were meant to stand by a man, not behind, or in front. 

Are you willing to change society and take a stand for women everywhere? That's what determines the real men from the fake ones. 

Reference List (2 sources)

Frank, P.B. (n.d.). Objectification of women. Retrieved from http://www.nomas.org/node/247

Kivel, P. (1984). The act like-a-man box. Men's Work and Boys Will Be Men